December 28, 2014

ticket booked.
one way.
the only way. a new way.
a new chapter. a new life. 
a new york.
a sharp tingle creeps up my body, beginning at my toes.
jumping off the edge of the cliff is never easy.
nervous excitement.
lingering sadness. a farewell.
a warm hello.

On December 28, 2014 at 6:50am, I will depart LAX for JFK with no return flight. So many emotions have been stirred up that I didn't know were inside me until tonight. Feelings of excitement have been around since I've made the decision, but now it is coupled with sadness, fear, anxiety, excitement, hope, and most of all love. Love for the city which first took my heart when I first visited at 17. Love for the man of my dreams who is more than anything I could ever manifest. Love for my friends already on the East Coast and love for ones who I haven't met yet. Love for the ones I am not saying 'goodbye' to, but 'see you soon'. 

Rose-Lynn Fisher is a photographer whose project Typography of Tears showcases microscopic photos of dried human tears from varied emotions. I think if she were to photograph the tears I shed tonight it would look something like this...

A collage of

Tears of Laughing
Tears of Change
Tears of Endings and Beginnings
Tears of Hope


how to spot a train

"So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers - all false.
The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change.
This is the last of that sort of thing.
Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life.
I'm looking forward to it already.
I'm gonna be just like you.
The job,
the family,
the fucking big television.
The washing machine,
the car,
the compact disc and electric tin opener,
good health,
low cholesterol,
dental insurance,
starter home,
leisure wear,
three piece suite,
game shows,
junk food,
walks in the park,
nine to five,
good at golf,
washing the car,
choice of sweaters,
family Christmas,
indexed pension,
tax exemption,
clearing gutters,
getting by, looking ahead, the day you die. "


what i want most


i'm ready.